There was a time in my life when I didn't think it would all be OK. When I first moved to Boston I took a job working at a school for children with developmental disabilities. As anyone who has worked in this field will tell you, it is a laundry list of sweet and sour. For me, most days were sour. Please understand that it wasn't that I didn't love these kids or love my co-workers (including our own Kelly Cashman). It was that I knew where I wanted to go, I knew where I wanted to be and where I wanted to be wasn't at the school.
I took the job to have a job. My wife, then girlfriend, already had a gig in Boston and it was either she move to Toledo or I move here. More than anything I needed to be with her so I took the first job offer I received. I did almost no research into the school, the position, the pay or the location. The school was (on paper) a full hour away from our apartment, add in traffic and road conditions in Massachusetts that hour drive was more like an hour-twenty or hour-thirty. More time in the car. More time to think. More time to listen to music. More time in my head.
Toward the end I dreaded going to work. I knew that a headache was in my future and I would leave at the end of the day with the same feeling I came in with; dread. Is this all that I am doing with my life? Is this where I want to be? Is this all I am? Please, don't think I'm a monster - when I was at work I was all about the kids. I never lost sight of them, but deep down I knew it wasn't my... ugh, "calling".
During those hour long rides I would listen to comedy podcasts and try to get some joy in my brain before work. One day, around 6 months into my tenure at school I decided to put my music on shuffle as I pulled off the highway and started down the long, winding rural roads that would bring me to work. It was a typical morning, I was miserable wondering what I was doing with my Communication degree, my life and as I went deeper into my brain a song started up with a loud snare. My mind finally turned on.
You that cheesy thing that drunk girls say when they're at a bar and some dumb pop song comes on and they're all "OMG, this is ABOUT ME!". Yeah, I kind of felt that. Sometimes a song comes along at the exact right time and makes you feel all cheesy. And that's perfectly fine. I like cheesy. That's why I like romantic comedies and pop music and comic books, because I like cheesy. This song I heard was saying all the things I needed to hear that morning. I would play this song every morning before work and tell myself I would make it out OK and I would move on and move up and... feel better.
And I did. That snare drum saved my brain.