Welcome to College you fresh-faced, eager, naive Freshman! Congratulations on making it through four years of High School, which you will soon learn didn't matter and welcome to your new world for the next 4-10 years. Yay College!
If you're like us you jumped at the opportunity to head out "on your own" (even though you will be under the supervision of an entire complex simulacrum of the real world led by University Presidents, RAs, Advisors, Professors, Campus Cops and your Parents.. still) you chose to head out-of-state to really get the whole college experience. No joke, good for you.
It's going to be a great experience for you. And we have really high hopes for you, I mean, someone has to change the world. It's probably going to be you. As the old people here we just wanted to share one quick item that we wish we would have known. As you head into this next chapter of your life we want you to know this one thing: you don't know anything. You may think you do, but until that first student loan bill comes crashing through your mailbox with about a trillion tons of weight behind it, you know nothing.
All the books you bought, all the meals you charged, all the classes you went to (and didn't go to, you stupid idiot), the train and plane tickets back home, everything you have ever purchased in the past four years of college was a waste. But you didn't know it yet, you didn't know that you should have been going to school full time and also working full time in order to save up a nice little nest of cash to pull from when you get your first student loan bill.
A short 6 months after you graduate is REALLY when you graduate. That's when that first bill comes in and like a rush of blood to the head you remember all the books and the meals and the classes you didn't go to (and the beer...) We had no idea it was coming. When we were in school no one told us that we would be struggling like this to pay off these debts, there weren't courses dedicated to it. Instead they told us that they have really high hopes for us, they told us that someone has to change the world and that it's probably going to be us. Lame, right?
Luckily for you guys, you have John Oliver who took out a solid chunk of his show this past week to talk about student loan debt better than anyone else ever has. Except maybe our buddy Elizabeth Warren, who is so super cool we can't stand it.
But seriously Freshman, don't waste your money. You're going to need it later. For now enjoy all the free shit you can. Including the video below.