Last week I used my MoviePass to see two action flicks. I mean, that's why movie theaters were invented, right? We get to see giant robots punch other giant robots in the robot face! Hell, we got two of them last year, the Michael Bay one and the one where Wolverine plays Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em. There's nothing better than a mid winter action flick. Fight scenes, car chases and explosions are all perfect movie theater images. And if I weren't trying to lose weight for my upcoming wedding I would have enjoyed these last two movies with a giant tub of popcorn and gallon of Dr. Pepper, instead I chewed gum. Recently I saw Haywire and Contraband, one of which I enjoyed very much and the other featured Mark Wahlberg. Now, I understand that saying I didn't fully enjoy a movie with Mark Wahlberg while currently in the Boston city limits is blasphemy but hear me out.
During my short year and a half here in Boston I have learned three things. First, from the mail man to the laundry lady to the guy helping me with groceries- everyone wants to talk about The Patriots (we'll talk about my relationship with sports next week). Second, the letter "R" is to be used at will and taken completely off of the word 'car'. And third: Mark Wahlberg is a god.
I learned this last year at a screening of The Fighter I went to in Revere, MA. For those of you who don't know Revere I have two words: The. Sisters. Yeah, the sisters from The Fighter. It's one of the areas in Massachusetts that is right outta that movie. People like Jill Quigg live in Revere. During the screening, my second time seeing it, a woman bursted out in a shrill New England accent "Mahhk, I love you Mahhk!" To my surprise no one yelled at the woman to shut up. In fact the opposite. They cheered. And despite a 48% on Rotten Tomatoes the theater for Contraband was packed and they seemed to love it. I was just okay with it, except for Giovanni Ribisi. I love that dude.
Truth is though, I don't hate Mark Wahlberg. He happens to be in several of my top 50 favorite films of all time... but sadly he also makes appearances in my top 10 least favorite films of all time too. The Fighter, Three Kings, The Departed, BOOGIE NIGHTS! I mean, the dude is legit. One the other hand though- Rock Star, The Happening, Max Payne, PLANET OF THE APES!? The dude is terrible. Mark Wahlberg is hot and cold to me. Actually he's kind of luke warm... actually he's Luke Wilson. Put him in the right place and he's a star. Misuse him and he's in one of the most awkward AT&T commercial of all time. When I see him in The Fighter he IS Micky Ward. He's the hero. But when in The Happening, he's just Marky Mark trying to make us forget about the Funky Bunch. But, I guess that's why theaters were invented, right? Escape. For us we're escaping our jobs (a rap career) or our family (the funky bunch) and spending a couple hours with Mark Wahlberg and Giovanni Ribisi is probably just what we need. As Luke Wilson as I am on Marky Mark, I'll stick around. Oh, and say hi to your mother for me.