Message: I am a college senior going to school in New York. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years. In May I have the choice of either finding a job in his hometown in Jersey or I need to move back home to Ohio. I think I love him, and I think he loves me. I'm just not sure if it will work out and don't want to move to a new place and have it fail. I guess what I am asking is: how do I know if it's real? or worth it? I hope this makes sense.
Dear R. R.,
Hello! I know what a hard time senior year is; not knowing where you’ll be in the near future can be pretty scary. You are absolutely not alone. I know many people who have struggled with this same scenario. First, there are a few things to consider:
- Have you and he had a discussion about this? Saying “I love you” is one thing, but discussing the future and your plans together is another. If you’ve had a discussion about continuing the relationship and being together long-term, then I’d feel a lot better about it in general.
- Has he considered coming to Ohio? Not because moving back there is necessarily the best course of action, but because willingness to compromise is key in every single relationship. If he has at least offered to come to Ohio- good sign!
- What kind of job does each of you plan on getting? Can you afford to live in the tri-state area on an entry-level salary in your field? Can he? Or is there a better job market back home for you?
But really, this isn’t about logic. It’s about love, right? And I wish I could give you a solid “absolutely” or “heck no!” But only you can make that decision. I will say this- I am a completely different person now than when I was 22. The same goes for all of my friends. You go through a transformation post-college. And whether or not you’re dating someone, that change will still happen. What does your gut tell you? I once dated someone I was super in love with, but the entire time I had terrible anxiety. I was enamored, but I didn’t feel it reciprocated 100%. I was constantly worried about him not caring about me, not being attracted to me, and him leaving me. I learned the hard way to follow my gut.
Shout out to woman’s intuition! I have it, you have it; we pretty much all do. So if I were you, I would tap into that. And NO MATTER WHAT, do what is best for you. Don’t compromise what you want out of life to make someone else happy. Unless you are positive they appreciate it and are comfortable with it, and in return shower you with love and rainbows and cupcakes and other good things and you will have no regrets ever. But seriously, listen to your heart, or vagina, or whatever part of your bod speaks to you. Trust your instincts, and good luck! -T
REWIND to this...
Bomb the Music Industry! - "Saddr Weirdr": This is a fun song from a real fun Long Island band I happen to be a big fan of. It’ll make you want to dance, and also it really just embodies the transitions we all seem to be going through in our 20’s. Life is sad and weird. And if yours doesn’t get sadder and weirder, even just temporarily, post-college, and it’s all good feels from now on, you’re probably some kind of mythical creature and I’d like to drink your blood.